I Miss You

When people start talking about someone they love who has died they most often say, “I miss him/her.” But what does that mean? There is so much behind those 3 small words but they must suffice because to unpack them would be time consuming and possibly embarrassing to the person who you are conversing with.

I miss you. It’s not the same when you are referring to someone who isn’t presently occupying the same geographical space as yourself. There isn’t the finality. There isn’t the implication of always missing them. Of there being a time when you won’t miss them.

For me it’s, “I miss you mom.”

“I miss you mom” means I’m sorry I never thanked you enough for all you did for me and for taking your presence for granted when you were here.

“I miss you mom” means I’m sorry that you weren’t there for all the changes that have taken place in our family since you died.

I’m going to retire next year mom. I know you would have been happy for me. And Kathy has worked real hard to lose weight and she looks great. She’s got an amazing outlook on life and is doing obstacle course races. She tries to get me involved but that’s one obstacle she can’t overcome.

Meaghan got her Master’s in history and she’s going to England for 2 years. We’re very proud of her. Brittany and Greg finally got married and they have a beautiful husky named Abby and they just bought a house. Matthew has a full time job and is planning to go to Conestoga college. Dave bought himself a motorcycle, Miranda is at school in B.C. and Ryan finally got his drivers license.

They miss you too.

“I miss you mom” means I miss your smile and the sound of your laughter. It means I miss your sense of humour, your sausage stuffing at Thanksgiving, playing black queen and watching T.V.

“I miss you mom” means when I think of you I start to cry. On the bus or at work it doesn’t matter. Tears just flow. At first I tried to hide it but now I don’t care who sees.

But most of all “I miss you mom” means “I love you mom” and I wish you were here so I could tell you that.

3 words. At the same time saying so much and so little. Regret and remembrance. Hopes and disappointments. Life and loss.

I miss you.